X is for eXample
They’re Not Listening to You — They’re Watching You
To be the example to your children is to recognize that you are their first vision of what it means to be human.
Before they can read, before they can reason, before they can even form full sentences, they study you, your tone, your posture, your patience, your passions, and your failures.
Being the example becomes the highest form of teaching.
Your kids don’t just listen to what you say.
They watch who you are.
They’ll become who you are, not what you tell them to be. You can preach patience all day, but if you’re snapping at every inconvenience, guess who’s learning what patience really means. You can talk about honesty, but if you’re cutting corners and telling little white lies, guess where your kids will learn that truth is optional. You are the example.
Children don’t listen to what you say. They study who you are.
The Hidden Trap
Your kids are always watching, and they’re absorbing everything, even the things you think you’ve hidden. What you don’t heal in yourself, your kids will carry.
If you’ve got baggage, they’re picking it up. If you’ve got anger, they’ll inherit it. If you’ve got shame, they’ll feel it too. It won’t be because you sat them down and had a heart-to-heart. It’ll be because your emotional world has bled into their reality, and now they’ve inherited wounds you tried to sweep under the rug.
If you don’t heal your own shit, you’re passing it on. It’s not a choice. It’s the cycle, and your kids feel its weight long after you’ve stopped paying attention.
You Can’t Teach What You Don’t Live
You can’t give your kids what you don’t have. You can’t tell them to be kind if you’re still carrying around bitterness. You can’t tell them to be self-respecting if you haven’t found a shred of self-respect yourself. You can’t teach them about emotional regulation if you’re still blowing up every time life doesn’t go your way.
You can’t teach what you haven’t internalized. You can’t give them what you don’t have. This is about taking responsibility for your emotional health. It’s about confronting the ugly stuff in your past so that you don’t pass it down to them. You have to heal yourself if you want them to have a shot at something better.
Are you living the example you want them to follow?
They Are Becoming You
The truth about parenting is that it’s not about controlling your kids. It’s about controlling yourself. Who are you becoming, and what is that example teaching your kids?
You can’t expect them to break free from patterns you’re still stuck in. You can’t ask them to be better than you if you’re not willing to be better than you are right now.
The real work isn’t about making sure they have a clean room, do their homework, or say “please” and “thank you.” It’s about becoming the kind of person who shows them, by example, how to navigate the mess of life without running from the hard or uncomfortable stuff.
Do you want them to grow up strong, confident, and self-aware? Then you better start being the person you want them to become. Do you want them to have healthy relationships? Then start having one with yourself first. Do you want them to lead by example? Then lead the damn way.
Stop pretending your words matter more than your actions.
If you want to break the cycle and raise kids who are better than you, you better become better than you are.
No more excuses. No more hiding behind “I’m doing the best I can.”
It’s time to do the work.
- Anthony
Your kids may not listen to half of what you say, but they’ll watch everything you do.
You can give all the lectures, yell all the commands, and set every rule under the sun, but it won’t matter if you don’t live it.
Example > Advice
Peaceful parenting isn’t about being passive, it’s about power through presence and discipline through example.
If you’re screaming at your kid to “calm down” you’re not teaching peace, you’re modeling hypocrisy.
If you’re telling them to “stop hitting their sibling” while smacking their hand, you’re not solving the problem; you are the problem.
We teach emotional regulation by showing it, respect by offering it, and love, strength, and patience, not through force, but through example.
You Are Their Blueprint
A child’s brain is a sponge for facts and figures, tone, habits, and emotional patterns.
They’ll learn to do the same if you handle stress by yelling;
If you shut down in arguments, they’ll follow that model too.
If you lie, shame, hit, or gaslight, they will adopt those tools as their own.
But if you face frustration with breath instead of blame…
If you own your mistakes instead of hiding them…
If you show what true strength looks like, being gentle, firm, and unwavering, you give them a foundation the world can’t shake.
Your Peace Sets the Pace
Boundaries are required, but how do you hold those boundaries?
That’s where your example will shine.
You don’t need to scream to get respect.
You don’t need to punish to make a point.
You need to become the person you want your child to be.
Want them to be patient? Practice patience.
Want them to be honest? Stop lying to get quick compliance.
Want them to be emotionally stable? Show what it looks like to regulate, not react.
Hard Truth: You’re Always Teaching
You can’t turn it off.
→ Not when you’re tired.
→ Not when you’re angry.
→ Not when you’re having a bad day.
Your child is learning how to be human by watching you be human.
That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect; it means you have to be real and intentional.
When you mess up, you show strength by apologizing.
You say, “I was wrong to yell. I was stressed, and I took it out on you - that’s not okay, and I’m working on it.”
That’s not weakness, it’s modeling accountability.
Your Legacy Is Lived
Long after your rules are forgotten, your example remains:
Your voice becomes their inner voice.
Your reactions become their reflexes.
Your presence becomes their compass.
You don’t need to be the perfect parent, but you must be consistent.
Peaceful parenting isn’t about controlling your kids, it’s about controlling yourself, so they never have to grow up recovering from your storm.
- Zac
PS: If this message hits home, forward it to another parent who needs the reminder, and if you’re serious about peaceful parenting, subscribe.
We’re building stronger families, one example at a time.