Why Families Resist Change + What to Do
Change is good, but that doesn't make it easy.
Change is the crucible where families are tested.
It’s where comfort zones are shattered, routines are upended, and the true mettle of each member is revealed.
Resistance isn’t just a reaction; it’s a declaration, a challenge to the status quo that demands confrontation.
The Unseen Fears Fueling Resistance
Fear is at the heart of resistance, a primal instinct to protect the familiar.
Parents cling to perceived stability, children to their comfort zones, and teenagers to their burgeoning independence.
This fear manifests in various ways:
Parental Hesitation: Delaying career advancements under the guise of maintaining household stability.
Childhood Defiance: Refusing new schools or activities to avoid stepping outside their comfort zones.
Teenage Rebellion: Rejecting changes that threaten their autonomy or social standing.
All of the above are written off as, “That’s the way it is”, but it doesn’t have to be, and we should never accept mediocrity as our only option.
If you want to change your eating habits, fitness habits, financial habits, family routines, etc., you will need the courage to go beyond the fear and into the unknown.
Yes, it will be uncomfortable, but inevitably, so long as you do not quit, you’ll find comfort in that discomfort, and the new will become routine.
You’ll find yourself living a better life, thinking, this is how it should be.
These behaviors from parents, teens, and young kids alike aren’t mere reluctance but defensive strategies against the unknown - break through it with them.
The Chains of Familiarity
Routines are the invisible chains that bind families to mediocrity.
Some family routines, like eating dinner together, are rock solid; this piece is talking about changing routines you’ve found to be negative, such as excess snacking, phones always distracting, or other behaviors that divide the family and prevent each member from being their healthier, wealthiest, and most connected.
While they offer predictability, they also stifle growth.
Clinging to outdated roles, ineffective communication patterns, and archaic responsibilities ensures stagnation.
The comfort of familiarity becomes a prison, locking families into cycles of complacency and redundancy without progress.
Unique Perspectives: The Breeding Ground for Conflict
Each family member’s unique viewpoint can be a catalyst for discord:
Children: Their limited foresight makes them resistant to long-term benefits.
Teenagers: Any perceived threat to their independence is met with hostility.
Parents: Conflicting ideas on implementing change lead to power struggles.
Grandparents: An unwavering attachment to tradition can hinder progress.
Ignoring these perspectives doesn’t just invite resistance; it guarantees it.
Resistance isn’t always vocal; it often lurks in subtle cues; your job is to see, acknowledge, validate, and explain why you are making the changes you’re making.
Verbal Indicators
Statements like “We’ve always done it this way” signal an aversion to change.
Non-Verbal Cues
Crossed arms, avoidance of eye contact, and withdrawal are silent protests.
Strategies to Overcome Resistance
Create a War Room for Open Dialogue: Establish a space where honest discussions are mandatory, not optional. Let your children tell you how shitty of a decision you are making; give them the freedom to explain their full opinion, even if it goes against your desire.
Expose and Address Fears: Lay bare the concerns and confront them head-on, and let your children know that you also have your resistance but are overcoming that voice.
Enforce Collective Decision-Making: Mandate involvement from all members to ensure accountability; I don’t like to use “mandate” or “force”, but I’m using the term intentionally because I want it to be clear: Your children need to know they have a voice and vote, compromise and negotiation may be necessary to get all parties onboard.
Implement Incremental Changes: Break down monumental shifts into tactical maneuvers to build momentum; walking 1,000 miles starts with a single step, then another; think like that.
Monitor and Celebrate Victories: Keep score of progress and honor achievements to maintain morale; if your kids buy into your changes and make progress, you need to recognize and celebrate that. Too often, people assume their kids know they are proud of them - don’t do that, TELL THEM.
Embrace the Struggle
Change is inevitable.
Resistance is optional.
Families can transform resistance into resilience by confronting fears, dismantling comfort zones, and embracing each member’s perspective.
The path isn’t easy, but nothing worth achieving ever is.
You’ll make yourself and your family reach the greatest heights as a unit and individuals by working together to live your best lives.
- Zac Small