V is for Vulnerability
You can’t lead your children well if you’re too afraid to let them see who you really are.
Vulnerability is one of those words that gets a bad rap. From an early age, we’re taught that strength means holding everything inside, keeping it together, and never letting anyone see the cracks in the armor.
But vulnerability is the real measure of strength, and if you don’t show your kids that it’s okay to be vulnerable, they’ll end up paying for it for the rest of their lives.
Vulnerability isn’t just about shedding a few tears in front of someone or admitting when you’re wrong.
It’s about showing your child that it’s okay to feel deeply, to experience fear, sadness, or frustration without the weight of judgment. More importantly, it’s about modeling this behavior so that they grow up understanding that vulnerability is healthy and, over time, makes us stronger.
When kids don’t receive the benefits of vulnerability, they are essentially set up for emotional failure. Not because they’re incapable but because they’ve been taught to hide their true selves behind walls of armor.
They learn that being real is dangerous. Being raw is a risk, and the consequences are long-term.
When a child’s emotions are constantly dismissed, criticized, or controlled, whether by a domineering parent or through their own learned self-censorship, their sense of self begins to fracture. They start to believe their feelings are dangerous, inconvenient, or wrong.
Over time, this disconnect warps their self-worth. They don’t learn to trust their inner voice; they learn to silence it.
What happens when vulnerability is missing?
Emotional Suppression: Kids learn to bottle up their feelings because they’re afraid to show weakness. This suppression doesn’t go away with age; it gets buried deeper until it eventually surfaces as emotional numbness in adulthood. They struggle to form real connections, hide their true feelings, and avoid anything that might expose their vulnerabilities. The result is shallow relationships, unspoken resentments, and isolation because being vulnerable is viewed as a threat.
Lack of Self-Awareness: You can’t understand yourself if you’re never allowed to explore your emotional world. Vulnerability is the gateway to self-awareness, helping kids identify and articulate their emotions. When that space isn’t given, they grow up uncertain of their feelings, desires, or even what they need from relationships. Emotional confusion sets in, and it leads to self-doubt, insecurity, and a lack of direction.
Fear of Failure: When vulnerability is met with judgment or punishment, kids internalize the idea that failure is a bad thing. This creates perfectionists who are terrified of making mistakes. These adults avoid risks, second-guess themselves at every turn, and overthink every decision. They’d rather stay in their comfort zone than take a chance, all because they’ve learned to fear exposure, failure, and the possibility of being imperfect.
Shallow Relationships: Vulnerability is the key to authentic connection. Without it, relationships remain surface-level, and authenticity is suppressed. Adults who were never shown that it’s safe to be vulnerable often build walls around their emotions, keeping others at arm’s length. This prevents the kind of deep, intimate relationships that require openness and trust. They build walls everywhere, but it only keeps out love and connection.
Health Issues: The suppression of emotions isn’t just mentally draining; it’s physically damaging, too. Adults who’ve learned to bottle up their feelings often end up dealing with anxiety, depression, and even physical ailments like chronic pain, headaches, or digestive issues. They’re the body’s way of screaming, “You can’t keep shoving this down. It’s exploding.” What gets buried emotionally will find its way out physically.
So, how do we fix this?
Start with yourself.
If you want your kids to grow up emotionally healthy, resilient, and authentic, you need to model vulnerability yourself. That means being honest about your own feelings, admitting when you’re wrong, and showing them that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Let them see you make mistakes and own them.
Let them see you feel deeply and express that without shame.
When you model this, you create a space where your kids can learn that feelings aren’t things to be ashamed of; they’re things to embrace. They’ll understand that their emotions don’t define them; they’re just a part of the human experience.
Model vulnerability: Show your kids that being open with your emotions is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Create a safe space: Let them know that it’s okay to be imperfect and that failure is part of growth.
Be emotionally available: Listen with your heart, not just your ears. When they’re hurting, sit with them in that pain.
Own your mistakes: Teach them that it’s okay to mess up as long as you own it, learn from it, and keep going.
The goal is to raise emotionally stable kids, not emotionally fearful. It’s about giving them the inner tools to feel deeply without panic, to express themselves without guilt or shame, and to build authentic human connections without hiding who they are. When children grow up in an environment where their emotions are honored, they don’t have to fight for permission to exist; they just do.
That’s the real power of vulnerability.
- Anthony
There’s a lie too many parents buy into…
“If I show vulnerability, I’ll lose control. If I admit I don’t have it all figured out, my kids won’t respect me.” - That belief is poison.
And it’s why so many homes feel cold, disconnected, and full of fear instead of peace.
Let me be clear (again): Peaceful parenting is not weak parenting.
It’s not permissive, it’s not passive, and it’s not giving up the influence you have over the lives you lead. It’s how you ensure you’re influencing your family well..
It’s leading with integrity and connection, which means your children need to see all of you, not just the version of you that barks orders or pretends to be bulletproof.
Vulnerability Creates Connection
Kids are not blind; They see everything…
They know when you’re stressed.
They know when you’re lying.
And they know when you’re pretending you’ve got everything under control while barely keeping it together.
The moment you drop the act and speak honestly, “I’m feeling overwhelmed today,” “That bothers me,” or “I don’t know the answer but I’m trying to figure it out” you stop being a distant authority figure and start becoming a trustworthy leader.
You gain credibility when you’re honest, not the other way around.
Be the Oak & Rock of the Family
There’s strength in intentional vulnerability, just as there are moments in leadership where admitting your faults is a strength (Extreme Ownership).
There’s courage in saying, “I was wrong” and “I’m sorry.”
You want to raise emotionally intelligent, respectful, resilient children?
Then show them what that looks like.
Let them see you struggle and recover.
Let them see you wrestle with your own ego.
Let them see you take responsibility without shifting blame.
They will learn more from your humility than they ever will from your perfection.
Showing Your Children How to Handle Life
Life is hard.
It’s full of moments that test you.
You won’t always have the answers; You’ll fall short; You’ll mess up; So will they…
The way you handle your mess-ups teaches them how to handle theirs. If they never see their father fail, they will think they failed you when they mess up. Your decision to make everything picture perfect creates a complex that makes you a God they’ll never live up to, instead of a man they look forward to learning and living with for the rest of your life.
Sharing flaws and turning them into features is the kind of strength most people never had growing up, and what your kids need now more than ever.
Vulnerability: A Leadership Skill
You must go first to raise strong, self-aware, emotionally secure children.
“EXAMPLE > ADVICE” - Zac Small
You have to show them what that looks like in action.
Vulnerability doesn’t mean your kids run the house; it means they live in a home where truth isn’t punished, emotions are safe, and parents don’t hide behind walls of fear, shame, or false control.
Drop the ego.
Lead with courage.
That’s peaceful parenting - and it’s damn powerful.
- Zac