U is for Understanding
Understanding is one of those words that sounds simple but holds a lot of power.
In parenting, understanding isn't a passive act…
It's an active choice to connect, validate, and respond thoughtfully. It's about building a relationship where your child feels seen and heard, not controlled, lectured, or punished into submission.
Spanking, timeouts, and taking things away don't teach kids lessons.
They teach them to shut down their emotions to avoid punishment.
Instead of feeling understood, they feel like they're problems to be fixed or managed. Understanding isn't about imposing control and using force.
It's about creating an environment in your home where your children are allowed to explore, adapt, and overcome without the pressure of a "concerned" parent. Being free in the family, not erased.
When kids feel heard, they're more likely to listen, understand, and grow.
Validation Over Control
A key aspect of understanding is recognizing that emotions are valid, even if they're uncomfortable or challenging. Too often, parents try to control behavior or suppress emotions. When a child expresses anger, frustration, or sadness, those emotions shouldn't be dismissed or minimized.
Instead of rushing to fix or silence them, we need to acknowledge their existence, not as an inconvenience but as a crucial part of the child's experience.
This doesn't mean you're signing up to agree with every emotional outburst. It means giving those feelings the space to exist with no strings attached. When a child knows their emotions are heard, they don't feel the need to bottle them up or bury them.
They learn that emotions are safe to express and work through, not something to hide away just because a parent wants to keep the "chaos" contained.
Presence Over Solutions
There's a temptation to fix problems as soon as they arise, to jump in and resolve whatever challenge is in front of us. But understanding means resisting the urge to fix and, instead, simply being present. Kids don't always need solutions. Sometimes, they need someone to sit with them in frustration or pain.
Being present with their emotions teaches them that it's okay to feel without hitting the "instant fix" button. This encourages emotional resilience, teaching them how to cope with life's challenges without depending on external fixes.
Curiosity Over Authority
Peaceful parenting shifts the traditional dynamic of authority.
Instead of assuming the role of an unquestionable figure, it emphasizes the importance of curiosity in understanding your child. Rather than assuming you have all the answers, you approach your child's thoughts and actions with a mindset of inquiry. When your child expresses a need or desire, the focus is on listening to their perspective and understanding the motivations behind their actions.
This builds respect, where your child feels their voice is valued. It also helps them to articulate their own feelings and needs, knowing that their perspective matters.
Self-Awareness for Effective Understanding
To understand your child, you must first understand yourself. Emotional reactions, whether frustration, anger, or impatience, can cloud your ability to connect with your child. It's essential to recognize when your own emotions are getting in the way of understanding theirs.
Being self-aware allows you to respond in a measured, thoughtful way instead of reacting impulsively. When you show them how to handle emotions without losing it, you're not just being a "good parent" but teaching them the art of emotional mastery.
Understanding isn't about getting everything right all the time.
It's about connection.
It's about showing your kids that their emotions matter, that their voices are heard, and that you're in this together.
It's not about fixing them.
It's about being the steady hand that guides them through the highs and lows with love, respect, and a whole lot of patience.
- Anthony
Let’s get something straight:
Understanding isn’t some soft, passive, participation-trophy virtue.
It’s not about coddling, letting your kid walk all over you, and it sure as hell isn’t about turning your home into some emotional free-for-all where “feelings” override intention, structure, and standards.
The fact that I even have to say this shows how far children are placed on the totem pole of respect. To even suggest we must “understand” our kids, will have the fathers and others coming out of the woodwork to tell me I’m being a soft bitch, and what kids need is more discipline.
Understanding is the weapon most parents refuse to sharpen because they’re too busy reacting instead of responding. It’s easier to tell a kid they’re wrong than to teach them how to get to “right”.
You want to be a peaceful parent?
Then start here: Know your damn kid.
I’m tired of watching grown adults throw tantrums because their child had one.
I’m tired of hearing excuses like “he just won’t listen”, “she’s always acting out”, or “Some kids need tough-love…”
I am a peaceful father, my wife is a peaceful mother, we do the hard things all of the time, like listening, understanding, and allowing our children to live their lives and make their mistakes without trying to control or have them follow our preferred path.
We work our asses off to be good parents, and none of it required us physically harming or threatening our chidlren.
Understand this now, you’re the adult, the leader, the “authority” of the household…
But you are also the damn student, because it is also your job to sit and learn to understand better what drives your kid. If to “discipline” means “to teach”, then your children should be disciplining you about themselves, and they’ll never do that if you aren’t listening.
It’s your job to learn and understand what lights your child up, what shuts them down, what triggers their meltdowns; if you’re not doing that, you’re not parenting, you’re just policing.
And guess what?
Cops don’t raise kids.
Fathers do.
Mothers do.
And Parents do by leading, modeling, and connecting.
Peaceful Parenting ≠ Passive Parenting
Don’t confuse peace with passivity; I’ve already explained this, but “peaceful parenting” is harder than what’s happening in traditional corporal punishment homes.
Peace doesn’t mean permissive.
It doesn’t mean saying yes to everything.
It means having order and respect, which go both ways, and communication in your home.
You don’t get there by barking commands and punishing emotions; you get there by understanding what’s behind the behavior.
Your kid isn’t “bad.” They’re trying to make sense of a world they didn’t ask to be born into, a world most adults haven’t figured out yet; instead of guiding them through it, those adults, who are now parents, are just trying to shut the kids up.
That’s not peace - that’s fear - and fear breeds rebellion.
The Mirror You Don’t Want to Look Into
You want the truth?
Most of the “disrespect” you think you’re seeing is a mirror.
Your kid is reflecting your chaos, your short temper, and your inability to slow down and connect. I’ve seen it in myself, I’ve seen it in other dads and moms who claim they’re “doing everything right” while their household feels like a war zone.
Understanding takes effort, and presence.
You can’t fake it.
Kids sniff out hypocrisy like bloodhounds.
So when your kid is acting wild, ask yourself:
Did I sleep enough last night?
Have I been on my phone more than in the world?
Did I set clear expectations or assume they should know better?
That’s the uncomfortable work. But that’s also where the transformation happens.
Discipline Through Connection
Here’s the paradox that most people can’t wrap their heads around: You don’t lose authority by understanding your child, you strengthen it.
Once your child knows they’re seen and heard, they’ll want to follow you. You won’t have to yell, and you won’t have to bribe as you’ll lead by presence, not pressure and they will stand behind that.
You can be the father who listens, and the father who enforces.
The mother who nurtures, and the mother who corrects.
You can hold boundaries without being a tyrant just as you can discipline without humiliation.
You can lead without crushing the spirit of the kid you’re supposed to be raising into a self-governing adult.
But only if you start with understanding.
Don’t Confuse Control with Power
The biggest lie in parenting is that control equals power - it doesn’t.
Control is fear-based; power is earned.
Kids who grow up under constant control don’t become strong, obedient leaders; they become sneaky, anxious followers.
They learn how to hide.
How to fake it.
How to manipulate.
They become the opposite of what their parents wanted because they did the opposite of what works.
A child who has been managed, but never understood, will live a life of constant self-doubt and destruction.
Kids raised with a real understanding?
They’re dangerous as hell, in the best possible way.
They know who they are, what they want, and they speak their truth.
These kids aren’t afraid of authority because they’ve seen it modeled with clarity, not cruelty.
I’ll wrap it up with this…
You want a peaceful home?
Earn it.
That means doing the hard work of learning about your kids.
Listening deeper.
Watching closely.
Leading yourself so you can lead them.
Understanding isn’t a weakness; it’s the strongest flex in the parenting game.
Anyone can dominate a child; Few can develop one…
Which are you?
- Zac