“Because that’s the way it is” - The beginning of the end for independent thought.
Never teach your children that it’s appropriate to accept anything without verification or proof. If you think that “because you’re the parent,” you don’t need to show supporting evidence of what you’re advising your child to do, you will create an acceptance that other people know better.
This is how manipulative people continue to thrive, and it’s how the government was able to control an entire society that disagreed with their decisions (Nazis were also following orders). It’s the type of acceptance that has one in relationships where they are abused, but it’s their fault because their spouse said so.
We need to parent differently; read on for what that looks like.
Kids Learn What They Live
Children absorb and mimic the relationship dynamics they experience. A home where manipulation is the norm teaches them to manipulate others or become their victims. If you conduct family life with open communication, mutual respect, and autonomy, your kids won't just reject manipulation; they'll recognize it instinctively as wrong.
The Rare Freedom of Non-Manipulated Children
Raising children without manipulation is rare because most people default to control, fear, and bribes to alter behaviors.
Plus, it's what they experienced in their childhoods.
But when kids grow up without manipulation, they aren't less prepared or naive to how the world works. If you've never deceived, guilted, or coerced them, then manipulation from others feels foreign. They'll identify manipulation as an unjust attempt to control them and stand firm against it.
A family free of manipulation doesn't just create healthier children; it prepares them against propaganda and gives clarity to spot the many lies of our current dysfunctional society. It sets them up to build healthier relationships and live a life of authenticity and connection.
- Anthony
Nah, We Don’t Do That
I’ve experienced and had other parents say the following:
Do what I say because I said so.
You must honor your mother and father.
Be the bigger man and turn the other cheek.
Trust the “experts” because they have credentials.
Individuals use other quips to induce blind adherence to another’s preference, but the reality is that this is manipulation and shaming at its finest.
Parents want their children to go against their instincts, and they want them to feel bad for even attempting to do something different than what’s been allowed. This is how victims of abuse believe they’re the problem. That’s not an extreme comparison to make either; they believe it because their spouse “said so,” and that’s what they were told as kids, listen to someone because “they said so”.
The same goes for supporting faux-authority; Trusting the Doctors because they’re doctors is the worst thing a person could do. Everyone should be judged and have their beliefs critiqued, everyone.
When you teach your children not to speak their truth but to listen to yours
Teaching them to close their ears so they do not hear information that conflicts with the “truth” they’ve been told;
Instilling the idea that your kids should turn a blind eye to any conflicting viewpoints against that of their parents…
When you do these things, you create victims who will be preyed upon by mainstream media, politicians, teachers, and those they get into relationships with. It is an inevitability that your forced acceptance of manipulative behaviors will not be confined to their relationship with you; it will be subconsciously applied to every interaction they have for the rest of their lives unless they find their way to breaking your conditioning later in life.
Our children do not have to honor their parents or “be the bigger person.”
We must teach our children they do not have to do anything to make or keep others happy; that’s how we teach them to recognize and stand against the predators out there. Predators like pedophiles, gold diggers, and kidnappers alike all use shame, gaslighting, and manipulative behaviors because they work.
They work because they play to the core part of all of us, our childhood experience; if your child has been conditioned to believe all adults should be listened to, then they will go against their instinct and listen to the adult who’s demanding they follow evil orders.
It’s their choice, and it will be based on their life experiences. I hope parents remove the control and fear so their children visit out of desire, not a sense of obligation.
We should aim to love our children for who they are and not try to manipulate them into becoming what we want them to be or shame them because that was used against us as children.
- Zac