S is for Support
Modern parenting has lost its way. Here’s how to replace control, fear, and forced independence with connection, leadership, and true emotional support.
Modern parenting is broken.
Too many parents think their job is to control their children, micromanage their behavior, and force them into independence before they’re ready. They obsess over obedience and discipline, but in doing so, they miss the most important thing a child needs: support.
Support isn’t about fixing, forcing, or making kids challenging by throwing them into the fire. Support means being a leader, a guide, and a safe haven so your child can grow strong from a place of security, not fear.
Here’s what real support looks like:
Connection Over Control
Too many parents focus on getting their kids to behave rather than building a deep connection that the child naturally follows their guidance. Control is a weak foundation for leadership. When a child feels deeply connected to you, they want to listen, not out of fear, but because they trust you.
If you’re constantly fighting your child, it’s not a discipline problem; it’s an attachment problem.
No Judgement
Your child should never hesitate to come to you with their struggles.
If they fear punishment or judgment, they’ll hide their emotions, lie, or seek support elsewhere. A child who knows they can trust you with everything, their fears, their mistakes, their hardest days, is a child who will stay close to you for life.
Stop Forcing Independence
Parents love to talk about raising “independent kids,” but most forget that true independence can only grow from secure dependence first.
Children rushed to grow up and mature before they’re ready aren’t strong; they’re disconnected and lost.
Independence isn’t something you force; it’s something you earn by meeting your child’s emotional needs until they naturally grow into it.
Protect Them from External Pressure
If you don’t secure your child’s attachment to you, they will attach to others, and those others are their peers, who are just as lost as they are.
When kids become peer-oriented, they look to their friends for validation, emotional support, and identity. The result is anxiety, insecurity, and a constant need to “fit in.” A child should look to their family, not other kids, for guidance and belonging. Your home should be their strongest and most secure influence.
Lead with Strength, Not Fear
There’s a difference between authority and authoritarianism. Some parents think they must “lay down the law” to be respected. That’s nonsense, and kids don’t respect control; they respect strong, loving leadership.
Support means solving problems, taking time to understand, and doing it patiently. Support creates trust and connection, not fear and punishment.
Give Emotional Support
Children aren’t born knowing how to handle big emotions.
If you punish them for meltdowns, they don’t learn self-regulation. They learn that emotions are dangerous.
Your job is to be their emotional anchor until they learn to navigate their feelings.
Stay calm, acknowledge their emotions, and help them process challenging emotions. That’s how you raise a child who can handle the world without breaking.
Build a Strong Family Culture
If you want your kids to stay close, create a home they want to be part of. Have traditions, eat meals together, play, laugh, and create shared experiences.
A child raised in a home filled with warmth, meaning, and family identity won’t be searching for belonging elsewhere. Your home should be the place they always return to, no matter how old they are.
A supportive family is one of the most powerful forces in the world!
Parenting isn’t about forcing growth but providing support to grow.
When you support them today, you help them stand strong tomorrow.
- Anthony
Where Control Fails, Support Wins
If you tell most parents to “be more supportive,” they’ll nod in agreement…
And then go right back to controlling everything their child does.
Why?
Because control feels safe.
It gives the illusion that everything is in order; that you’re doing your job as a mother or father, and that you’ve “got this all under control”.
But here’s the truth:
Control is a reaction, whereas Support is a strategy.
One (control) is about managing your fears.
The other (support) is about leading your family forward.
Why We Default to Control
Control is easy to measure.
Did they listen? ✅
Did they follow directions? ✅
Did they stop crying? ✅
It’s the most surface-level parenting, and it feels effective in the short term.
But over time?
Control breeds:
Rebellion and conflict
Emotional detachment
A child who either hides or performs but doesn’t trust
And do you know what the worst part of this type of parenting is?'
Most of the time, parents don’t even realize it’s happening.
The Real Driver Behind Control
We live in a culture obsessed with performance.
Kids are expected to be polite, mature, emotionally regulated, and independent, all before they’ve finished childhood.
Parents feel judged, watched, and always compared…
Instead of raising healthy kids, the parent-culture promotes raising impressive kids.
Big mistake.
Control is fear-based:
→ Fear of being embarrassed
→ Fear of not doing it “right”
→ Fear that our kids will reflect poorly on us
But you must remember, your child isn’t a project.
They’re people, the people you helped create and bring into this world.
Your job isn’t to mold them into something that makes you look good; it’s to support them in becoming who they’re meant to be, by their choice and their choice alone.
What Real Support Looks Like
Support is not passive, it’s not permissive, and it sure as hell is not a weakness.
Support means:
You lead with clarity and a calm assertiveness
You protect their emotional world by bringing order to the chaos
You hold boundaries without breaking the relationship
Support sounds like:
“I see you’re struggling, and I’m here to help you work through this.”
It means asking why a behavior is happening instead of shutting it down, and creating safety without caving to every demand.
It means teaching your child to regulate emotions by modeling how you regulate your own and not shutting them down after you erupt.
Support Builds Stronger Families
You’re not raising a kid for social media likes; you’re raising a future adult who knows who they are, where they belong, and how to handle life when it gets hard.
Control might get you obedience today, but support gets you a connection for life.
When kids are supported:
They come to you when they’re hurting
They don’t have to hide their mistakes
They stay close, even when they grow older
That’s not theory; that’s the long game of parenting - and it works.
Every time you feel the urge to control your child’s behavior, ask yourself:
Am I leading…
or am I just trying to make the discomfort go away?
Choose to lead.
Choose support.
Every time you do, you build a home your kids want to belong to, not one they feel they must escape from.
That’s how you build trust.
That’s how you raise resilient kids.
That’s how you create generational strength.
- Zac