Kindness is often underrated in parenting, dismissed as “soft” or something that makes kids weak.
But kindness isn’t weakness.
It’s strength under control.
When my kids are melting down, and it feels like everything inside me is about to explode, it takes a lot of courage to stay kind. The same goes for when I feel triggered by their behavior. It takes real patience to choose kindness over yelling.
Kindness in parenting isn’t about being a pushover. It’s about treating your children the way you’d want to be treated if you were in their shoes. It’s not kindness to ignore when they mess up, but it is kindness to approach their mistakes with empathy instead of shame. Instead of “What’s wrong with you?” try “What happened here, and how can we fix it?” That subtle shift communicates, “We’re in this together,” which sends a powerful message of stability and support.
Kids are sponges who soak up what they see and live out what they experience. When you treat them with kindness, you model a way of being they will carry into their relationships, friendships, and even their eventual roles as parents. A child who grows up knowing kindness learns to offer it without conditions, and they’ll demand the same respect in return.
Imagine if your child accidentally spills a drink all over the table. You want to explode. It’s a frustrating mess, but you take a deep breath instead. The lesson is to respond calmly instead of having an emotional reaction and show them how to take responsibility without shame. Together, you clean it up and use the moment to teach a life skill.
Accidents happen, and what matters is how you respond.
The world isn’t always kind, and as our kids grow, they will inevitably face moments where they feel judged, dismissed, or misunderstood, whether it’s the school playground, social media, or even the workplace, one day.
Life can sometimes feel tough, and it’s not always fair and doesn’t always reward kindness. That’s why it’s even more crucial for them to experience kindness within the four walls of their home.
At home, they should understand that love isn’t transactional.
It’s not about them “earning” it through perfect behavior or following all the rules. It’s about acceptance, no matter what they’ve done. When our children make mistakes or missteps, it shouldn’t trigger shame or disappointment. Instead, it should open the door for growth, understanding, and learning.
In our family, mistakes are opportunities for growth, not moments of failure.
By raising kids who see kindness as a sign of strength, we’re preparing them to face the world’s challenges not with bitterness or defensiveness but with an open heart and a steady spirit. In a world full of negativity, kindness becomes their guiding light. And that light won’t just impact their relationships; it will ripple outward and change the world around them in meaningful ways.
Kindness isn’t just what we teach them; it’s a trait we send them into the world with, making them forces of good in a sometimes unkind and disconnected civilization.
- Anthony
I Have a Dream…
It’s Martin Luther King Day, so it’s appropriate that it’s also “K Day” here at A to Z Parenting; today, we’re discussing Kindness (not King) in Parenting.
While MLK was a womanizer, he was also a great speaker so we will be focusing on his speeches, not his infidelity.
“True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it is the presence of justice.” - MLK, Jr.
It is admirable that you love your children enough to agree to remove corporal punishment from your home. However, removing the spankings and slaps is only one part of a two-part process. You must replace that void of punishment with education, connection, and discipline (Meaning to teach), and to provide each of these to your children, you must approach your interactions with kindness.
Peace and love will thrive in a relationship where kindness is the foundation of every action, from child to parent and parent to child.
Love your children enough to see the world through their eyes, and in doing so, you will feel kindness flowing through your heart. You’ll feel this because you will see what they need from you and the world, not what you and the world feel like giving.
“The time is always right to do what is right.” - MLK, Jr.
For any mother or father who feels, “I’ve done too much bad for this ever to be good.” you must know it’s never too late to turn things around.
Your past actions will be there, but your future actions may be better if you permit yourself to try to make things right one more time.
As kind as we must be to our children, we must also be kind to ourselves.
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” - MLK, Jr.
Many who come to Anthony and me are confused and concerned about how they can lead their house without the tools of threats and violence they once depended on for “order”; they fear that without corporal punishment, chaos will thrive, and it’s an act of faith to believe our words, but in taking that leap of faith, hundreds have found their homelives and relationships with their children thriving like never before.
You may not understand exactly how the future will operate without spankings and the “Dad Voice.” Still, if you take a moment to focus on how connection can be placed above correction and how kindness can replace fear, you’ll see that it’s possible and there’s nothing to be worried about.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” - MLK, Jr.
You cannot threaten your children to be better people;
You cannot hurt your children, so they should learn why it’s inappropriate for them to hurt others, as it makes no sense.
Pain cannot bring peace; only kindness can do that.
“The complete education gives one not only power of concentration but worthy objectives upon which to concentrate.” - MLK, Jr.
It’s not good enough to say you’re ready to be a peaceful parent; you must educate yourself on all the elements of what makes a great parent.
We’ve watched every element of modern life undergo an “update” and change, from how we work to how we spend our money. It’s time for parenting to get an update of its own; mothers and fathers need to do what parents before them failed to do: Invest time in being kind to children and improving education and networking on how to be a better parent, fit for 2024 and beyond.
“Everybody can be great because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” - MLK, Jr.
To become a great parent, it takes you prioritizing kindness over acceptance and connection over projection.
You don’t have to look like you have it all together, and you don’t need to keep up with the Joneses; you need to place your relationship with your children at the top of your priority list.
Great parenting requires only a parent who wants to be great and consistently acts on that desire.
“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” - MLK, Jr.
It’s not enough to say you have your child’s back; you have to have your child’s back.
They won’t remember the nice posts you wrote on Facebook, IG, or X because none of that matters. Ultimately, all that matters is who showed up and whether they were kind when they were present.
Nothing is more important to your child than how you treat them.
- Zac