Empathy is a term that is often misused regarding parenting.
It isn't about coddling kids, turning into some overly permissive parent, solving all their problems, being soft, or letting kids do whatever they want because we are worried about hurting their feelings.
It's about harnessing power!
The kind of power that comes from understanding your child's world inside and out and using that knowledge to guide them with purpose. From the principles of Peaceful Parenting, empathy is about deeply understanding and validating your child's emotions, even when their feelings differ from your own. It's the ultimate move to earn respect while building trust.
Empathy requires strength. It takes emotional control and intentional effort to pause, listen, and respond thoughtfully.
What Empathy Really Means
Empathy isn't agreeing with every tantrum or letting your child run the show. It's about showing up and saying, "I see you, I hear you, and I've got your back."
It's not passive; it's active, intentional, and hard as hell.
When your child comes to you with their world crumbling, you don't dismiss their feelings with, "You'll be fine" or "Figure it out yourself." You stand in the fire with them and say, "This is hard, and I'm here to help you figure it out."
Empathy is stepping into their shoes while keeping your feet firmly planted. It's showing your child that their feelings matter without letting those feelings dictate the tone in the household. That's leadership!
How Parents Show Empathy Like Pros
Want to know what a strong, empathetic approach to parenting looks like?
Shut Up and Listen
Put the phone down. Look them in the eye. When your child talks, remove the urgency. You don't need to fix it immediately. Just listen and let them know they're heard. A simple "Tell me what's going on" shows you're present without being overbearing. Don't make it complicated.
Call Out the Feelings
Your child's pissed off, frustrated, or sad? Say, "You're angry because you feel left out," or "You're upset because you didn't win." This doesn't mean you support them being emotional or having an attitude. It shows you are neutral and you're paying attention.
Hold Your Ground
When your child blows, stay cool. You're the rock in their confusion. If they're melting down, you don't match their chaos with yours. You say, "I get it. It's frustrating. Let's figure out what's next." Your calm sets the tone.
Get Curious
Ask questions. Dig into their perspective. Why did they do what they did? What were they thinking? Not to catch them in a lie, but to understand. Respect their answers, even if they're ridiculous.
Show Your Scars
Want your child to trust you? Be real with them and share times when you've struggled and been frustrated or angry. Show them how you dealt with it (or didn't). It makes you human, and it makes them feel less alone.
Teach Them to Solve Problems
You're not their savior. You're their guide. Instead of fixing everything, ask, "What do you think we can do about this?" Make them think, make them act. That's how future leaders are built.
Empathy Isn't Weakness—It's Strength
Empathy isn't about being a doormat or letting your child get away with murder. It's about raising a human who knows how to handle life.
Empathy isn't indulgence—it's accountability.
It's saying, "I understand why you're upset, but hitting your brother isn't the answer. Let's figure out a better way." And it sure as hell isn't spanking them to teach the lessons about why we don't hit others.
You're not letting your child off the hook when you show empathy. You're digging into the root cause of their behavior and teaching them how to deal with it. That's discipline with a purpose. And when your child feels understood, they'll trust and respect you. They won't default into power struggles, they won't tune you out, and they won't have resentment about being mistreated.
Final Word
Empathy in peaceful parenting isn't about being soft; it's about being solid. It's the ultimate move for parents who want to raise kids who respect them, trust them, and grow into competent adults. You're not here to coddle or control. You're here to connect and lead, and empathy is your most powerful tool. That's the foundation of raising children in a happy and healthy family.
- Anthony
The Empath Speaks
Zac here, and I’m an empath.
I can feel what people feel in both the physiological and psychological senses, and this skill set, developed as a child needing to be aware, has served me well in connecting with others.
Little did I know that this natural “life hack” of mine would become one of my greatest tools to use as a father.
I’m a better parent to my children because I can feel their world, in the way that they feel it.
This helps me relate when they are dealing with the emotions of being overlooked, unheard, angry, shy, ashamed, or confused. My ability to observe their patterns and recognize the cues that go along with good and bad emotional responses has positioned me to get ahead of things and fix the environment before anything breaks down.
Empathy allows you an opportunity to resolve a conflict before it ever occurs.
I know how my son and daughter are when they’re nervous, excited, scared, etc., and I use that information to help them navigate the world.
The only way you can do this is by being present and listening.
If you do not recognize that your children need to be given individual time and attention, you are making a mistake of enormous magnitude.
Love your children, listen to them, and start looking at their world through their eyes; you’ll be surprised at what you find. This is how I live; it’s how my brain thinks and connects with others in a way that allows me to experience some of what they are going through; it grants me the knowledge needed to know where I can meet them.
Get rid of the “It’s not a big deal” mindset, and understand that to your child, the thing they’re fired up over is a big deal, to them.
Parenting is about meeting your children where they are, not expecting them to be who you are.
- Zac