C is for Consistency
Embrace Flexibility and Compassion for Stronger Relationships with Your Children
The common parenting mantra, "Be consistent," has gained traction because of the concerns about neglect and fatherless homes. It has been hijacked by over-anxious, helicopter moms and domineering, control-freak dads.
Being emotionally unstable and easily triggered will never lead us to predictability, rules, and structure.
So when I hear parents say, "You've gotta be stern. Never give in. Don't let the kid get the upper hand."
This is the problem.
That's not parenting; that's turning your home into a battleground and making your child the enemy.
If your version of consistency is being the "no" machine, handing out punishments to make them "feel it," and treating your child like some power-hungry adversary, you're not raising a strong, capable person. You're raising someone who fears you or, worse, resents you. Showing up for someone doesn't mean constantly pushing them down or ensuring your orders are followed. It means after every temper tantrum or act of defiance, you handle the crisis the same way, with patience, grace, and calmness. I don't know about you, but I am tired of hearing those dads who bitch and complain about their kids being disrespectful little monsters that only care about themselves. Look in the mirror, fellas!
Consistency Isn't Rigidity
This "never give in" mentality sounds tough until you're in the middle of a meltdown over screen time or getting them to brush their teeth. Sticking to your guns at all costs isn't consistency; it's rigidity. Being strict doesn't strengthen the relationship; it creates power struggles that repeat every night, leaving you questioning your sanity.
It's about showing your kids they can trust you to set boundaries with fairness, not anger. Being flexible doesn't make you weak; it makes you human. It teaches your kids that rules have room for reason and that compromise is a cornerstone of healthy relationships.
The Consistency That Matters
Consistency isn't about saying "no" all the time or being fixed. It's not about planting your feet in the ground and refusing to budge to prove a point. Real consistency is about showing up every day with patience and intention. It's listening when your child speaks, even when they're not saying it perfectly. It's working with them to find solutions instead of turning every disagreement into a power struggle. It's about building trust and cooperation over time, not demanding it out of fear. It's about being the dad your kid can count on, not the one they're walking on eggshells around.
Stop obsessing over whether your kid is "getting the upper hand." That's a damaging and weak path to choose. Parenting isn't about power plays or getting the upper hand over your child. That kind of thinking is small-minded and causes more division. Instead, ask yourself this: Am I leading in a way that inspires my child to follow? The goal isn't compliance out of fear of getting your child to obey consistently. It's building a relationship so solid that they want to listen and learn from you because they admire the man you are.
Consistency is about showing your kids what real strength looks like: calm, steady, and compassionate. It's teaching them how to navigate life's challenges by modeling patience and problem-solving, not outrage and intimidation. Show them what respect looks like by giving it to them first. Lead with empathy, and they'll respect you not because they have to but because they genuinely want to.
That's real consistency. That's real leadership. That's real parenting.
- Anthony
If you say you believe in freedom of speech, then you can’t alternate between allowing your children to speak their minds and then crushing their voices when it is not convenient for you at that point in your day.
If you believe that corporal punishment and yelling have no place in raising children, then you can’t use the “dad voice” on your kids or spank/slap them when you’re at your wit’s end.
If you want your children to go to you when they have a problem, you can’t get angry and punish them when they share their issues with you…
Children need consistency from their parents; they need to know that what you say is who you are, regardless of the time of day, your stress levels, or the severity of the topic. Emotionally regulated parents don’t change their tune, so it doesn’t matter if a child says, “No” or “Why?”, as the responses will not alter their parent's mood or stance.
No matter what my children say to me, I will never hurt them, shut them down, or belittle their views/experiences.
No matter how shitty my day may be going, I will never make them feel as though they are not important.
I may be impatient, I may have days where I am short-fused, and I may have days where I’m not energetic or in a great mood; I am human, and I can’t always be “on”, but having a bad day is different than changing who I am and what I stand for.
Children need consistent adults in their beliefs, values, and morals and at the core of who they are.
Even if I’m overtired or stressed, I’m never going to spank my kids, yell at them, or belittle them because being agitated has nothing to do with who I am as a person; it’s just a temporary phase.
That consistency has allowed my children to be who they are and to recognize who I am as a man. For my children to know their father and genuinely see me has strengthened our bond and gotten it to the point where the kids never think less of me if I am having a bad day. They respect that I am not in a great mood, and in the same way that I would give them their space or look to improve their day, they do that for me.
Be consistent in your parenting; it matters.
- Zac